Have you ever felt that your life is just one gigantic string of events pulling you in all different directions? Taking control of your life is not as easy as 1-2-3. It takes time and understanding. However, if you listen closely to the message of this article, you may speed up this learning process.
Control is a mental state. The feeling that accompanies a sense of control is not made up or fostered by "positive thoughts" or "positive self-statements." The core aspects of control can be summed up with the following statements: Do not allow the environment to dictate your actions. Be comfortable with the feeling of discomfort!
Let's take each of these statements seperately. First, not allowing the environment to dictate your actions pretty much sums up everything around you! People, places and things. People could be your co-workers, places could be a supermarket, and things could be the television.
Allowing people to dictate your your actions is a weak excuse for poor behavior as well as outstanding behavior. What do I mean by this? It means that it is better for your behavior to be contingent on what you want to do or what you know is right, rather than trying to "put someone in their place" or "do something nice for them because they'll like me more."
At the root of behavior, decisions are made instantaneously. If you catch yourself leaning toward acting a certain way, ask yourself this question, "What am I doing this for?" Ask yourself, "How am I doing this?" Continue by asking yourself, "How do I usually get to decisions like this? What do I do in my mind and body that get me to do this?"
These may sound like corny questions, but asking them and answering them are the first building blocks to taking control of your life. If you're a type of person who avoids conflict completely (passive personality), then you've definitely had your share of feeling "walked on".
In anything you want to do, if you are the type of person to avoid conflict with people - you're allowing them to dictate your actions. Sure you're making the decision to not say something or dive right into an uncomfortable situation, but that choice is not really yours. That choice has been made by you, but based on the relationship you share with your environment, in this case, the people have ultimately made your decision.
Now, take the second part of the core aspects of control, being comfortable with the feeling of discomfort. Since we're talking about people as the environmental element, let's imagine the following scenario: You're in the supermarket and standing online, when someone walks in front of you in a very casual manner and cuts you in line. Calmly, you tap the person on the shoulder without hesitating for a split second and say, "Excuse me, I noticed you just walked in front of me. Maybe you didn't see me standing here online, but I am next. You can stand here behind me."
Then the person replies, "Oh I was here before, an item I had was damaged so the clerk said it was okay if I went to replace the damaged item. Sorry. Do you mind?" Now here is where the test of control occurs. The first core aspect of control was demonstrated easily, without hesitating, you asserted yourself confidently. Then with the person's polite and rational reply, you start to feel like "an idiot". Here is where the loss of control occurs. Being comfortable with discomfort of being "wrong" or making a mistake is a vital building block to success.
You must become comfortable with making mistakes. Of course try and avoid them, but when they occur, it is important to realize the meaning of the mistake. To think of it differently, trying to avoid mistakes may cause you to not try something due to a fear of failure or rejection. Wil Schroter, founder and CEO of GO BIG Network comments on this with clarity, "As far as I'm concerned, if you're not getting turned down, you're not really trying. And the only thing you should ever be ashamed of is not trying."
Being in control means overcoming the fear of your environment and being comfortable with uncomfortable situations. If you've ever seen the movie, Fight Club, with Brad Pitt and Edward Norton, you might remember the "homework" assignments they were given. One homework assignment was to start a fight with a stranger, but not for the purpose of beating them but to simply test their comfortability with doing so. In the movie, grown men square off and beat each other. The two main characters live in an abandoned house.
While I'm certainly not recommending you go out and join a fight club, beat other people, start fights and live in an abandoned home, the point is, look at your life and see how much you cling to the comforts of life. Do you rank comfort over pain? I think most, if not all would say yes. But if you never allow yourself to take the risk of pain, how will you ever know how far you can go?
(To finish this article, visit www.noobdogs.com/take-control-of-your-life/)
©2007 noobdogs.com
By Thomas McGiveron
